Handling feline grief: how to help your cat through a loss
Our cat Steve was the head of our clowder of 11, ruling with love and patience (and head washings for all!). When Steve died about two months ago after a short bout with cancer, it wasn’t just his humans who mourned him - the feline friends he left behind experienced his loss just the same. What were the signs that they were going through grief?
lethargy
decreased appetite
change in sleeping patterns
increased aggression
separation anxiety
pacing
excessive vocalizing
Right away, most of the cats ate drastically less. They also changed their sleeping patterns and places, chasing new and more isolated spots. One in particular (Kitten Man) became aggressive, vocalizing and lashing out at any cats that got too close. Kevin cried at the door any time one or both of us left the house. We were all broken.
Despite our own grief, it was clear that we needed to try and help the gang navigate this enormous loss. Below are some of the steps we took.
Respecting the space & routine
An impulse many humans have immediately following a death is to clean and remove any and all traces of the deceased. Smell is one of cats’ primary senses, and a thorough cleaning of the home, however therapeutic it may be for you, can be seriously disturbing for them. Cleaning may remove any signs of bunting associated pheromones - when a cat rubs his or her facial scent glands against an object or other animal, they are marking their territory and claiming objects as theirs. If the markings of your recently deceased cat are suddenly gone, their absence may be even more upsetting. Try to leave your late cat’s things and smells around and remove them gradually, one at a time, if you must. And remember that cats LOVE a routine - try to keep their feeding and play schedules predictable and the same as they have been, if you can. Doing so will help your felines feel more secure during this difficult time.
Handling decreased appetite
We tempted the cats with treats, Churu, tuna, meat in meat sauce baby food - anything that would give them a bit of an appetite. A probiotic that we give the cats during courses of antibiotics has always been a hit, so we sprinkled that all over their food. Kitten food and Urgent Care food came in super handy for packing an extra caloric punch (you can also supplement with KMR). Putting treats into a food puzzle also went a long way towards making eating fun and rewarding for them. Remember that it’s very dangerous for felines to go too long without food, and can result in liver failure. Try whatever you can to get your cat(s) to eat and drink!
Lethargy is OK
We were all in shock for the first few weeks after we lost Steve. None of us really wanted to do ANYTHING. Still, I tried to make myself go on mental health walks every few days and wanted to do something similar for the cats. We would encourage them to play with new toys (Kitnip box is great for this), got some great toys they could enjoy on their own and gave them catnip every day or two. It was great to see them up and around, but also OK if they wanted to be in their feelings and curl up on their own. We all needed to process in our own way. However, we did make sure to give them all the attention, pats and snuggles that they might need, and extra brushing time so that they knew affection and love was available whenever they were ready.
Treating aggression with medication
One of our cats did become much more vocal and started physically lashing out at his friends. When increasing intellectual and environmental stimulation didn’t change this behavior, I made the decision to start him on fluoxetine - cat prozac. I often recommend this medication to clients who have cats with such high stress levels that behavioral intervention alone won’t be effective. The first two weeks on a low dose of fluoxetine Kitten Man was drowsier than usual, and had less of an appetite. His aggression was greatly diminished. After this short acclimation period, he began eating and sleeping at his normal baseline again and, with the addition of additional exercise and one on one time, has returned to his former self. I plan to taper him off the medication in a few months. FYI, if your cat is pill averse, you can have fluoxetine compounded into a liquid or a transdermal gel for ear application.
Separation anxiety happens
After Steve’s death, Kevin (who had been Steve’s best friend) exhibited signs of separation anxiety - he would pace and meow at the door whenever either of us left the home. To us, this behavior made sense - Kevin’s best friend had left the home and never returned - what if we did the same? Through a gradual program of desensitization and counterconditioning we were able to work with Kevin to assure him that we were NOT going to leave him behind forever. He still likes to watch us through the windows when we leave, and is often found waiting for us when we return, but the pacing, vocalizing and panic are gone.
Encourage exploration
A few days into our mourning, I made the cats an activity box. Taking a large cardboard box, I filled it with crinkly paper, fresh catnip, treats, a few toys, a stick from outside, a few leaves, a flower - etc. Essentially, I was making an exploration box. Every day I would take a few old items out and replace them with new objects from nature or around the house. As previously discussed, smells are super important to cats and having new things to smell, explore and “hunt” for in the box gave the clowder a fun and novel activity. There was often a line for the box!
Add intellectual stimulation
While we can distract ourselves with books, tv and our smartphones, cats don’t really have that luxury. What we CAN do is increase their intellectual stimulation in other ways. Try playing Cat TV for your gang (just google Cat TV or search the phrase on YouTube and stream on your tv!), or better yet - install a suction cup bird feeder on a window so your cats can watch birds all day long. Encourage them to “hunt” for their own food with food puzzles! Start clicker training them! Try to play with your cats “to exhaustion” - ie, until they are so tired they can no longer play - at least once a day. This is generally for about 20 min or so.
Add relaxation
Try giving your cat(s) a spa day for rest and relaxation! Music for Cats was developed with scientists specifically for cats, and is used often in our shelter systems for its calming qualities. You might stream some as you brush your feline, pat them or just have a relaxing snuggle. Installing Feli-way pheromone plugins can be super helpful - I recommend one per 500sqft or floor of a home. Feli-way Optimum combines both the Classic and Multicat pheromones and is great for combating stress. Make sure that they have enough environmental enrichment - are there enough high perches and hiding spaces? Do you need to scatter a few more cardboard boxes around the home for your cat(s) to sleep in? Maybe it’s time for a nice, new cat bed?
Patience
Be patient with yourself and with your cat. Mourning and grieving take time. Don’t rush to get another pet - perhaps, after enough time has passed, you might consider foster to adopt to see if your surviving pet(s) are open to a new friend.